As a healer who helps others, I am extremely devoted to my own self healing path, and this was out of survival and necessity. But once I consciously committed to the life of struggle, I eventually lead a life of mental disciplines of the spiritual kind and the in depth emotional work required to free my soul. This has been an everyday reality for the last few decades. I commit to this in order to not only walk my talk for my self, my clients and apprentice but also to adhere to this way as a real lifestyle (a life without medicines, antibiotics or doctors, hospitals, drugs, pot, alcohol, sugar, caffeine etc.).
That sounds easy in words, but its been very fearful, challenging and even deadly in the real. I was required and still am, to a daily dedication because its very hard work to be completely 100% responsible for one’s health emotionally, mentally and physically without excuses, without the projection and with accountability. I tell people now, that I am always sick and also very healthy at the same time because it was my fate.
Having set that tone, recently, for the last 3 years I have had some unusual weight gain for no reason, and because my lifestyle did not change for the worst, I was concerned. My legs have been hurting and cramping and so a year and a half ago, I upped my work outs and walks. Nothing was changing, so I had even given up almost all wheat and its by-products and all dairy for all the emotional issues and mental issues and even a majority of my physical commitments to health have been completed. And still no change in the weight gain, it was odd.
With my waking synchronicity and signs getting worse by the day in my path over the last three months especially, I was seeing people in wheel chairs everywhere I went everyday and the mourning dove 10 hours a day cooing outside and knew it was critical although I was doing everything possible. I had been used to mourning doves being around in my more intense spiritual suffering of my shamanic initiations and as one of my totem – they mean “internal warnings” where owl is my external warning. But the doves have not been around for twelve years or so.
I finally set an intention for my inner Dreamer to reveal both the issue and the solution. I put on my sacred necklace, a charm with the name Rose on it (both my grandmother’s names) and I drew a sacred Slavic symbol of healing on my left hand and went to go dream…
The dream that night: I am in a hospital room and a nurse comes in and takes my left hand and says: “you need a saline solution every four hours” then she shoots a needle into the top of my hand and I see bacteria appear, they are tiny, thin, and black and see about 4 of them moving under my skin. I wake up.
I get up and started doing the saline (salt water) solution drinking it every four hours and for the last two days, no more mourning doves, no more wheel chair people around me and no wasps (they were the last to my issue warning). I looked up the bacteria that matched what I saw in my dream, and it said it can came from a few things, but none of them applied except the hot springs. Then immediately I knew where the source was…
Three years ago I went to the upper north Umpqua River Hot Springs and hiked there with my apprentice and thus far it was the most beautiful hot springs I have seen in pictures or having gone to. I could tell that this place had many local and wandering drinkers, drug users and heavy pot smokers, a defined party place and when we got there, the partiers were even drinking and smoking pot in the hot springs itself.
When I sat in the water that day I could feel it was sick and saturated from years of drugs, pot, alcohol, shamanic drugs usage and the small campground too which we chose not to stay at looked black energetically. I go to hot springs as part of a purifying process for my health because when you rely on no medicines or antibiotics or healthcare as a way of life, one gets pretty good at understanding even the smallest of changes in their body or the environment.
But I went in for an hour anyway and shouldn’t have, because this hidden bacteria entered my body that day and its been causing the weight gain, even though I tried every avenue but the “invisible” one.
Through the three years and it’s passage of time I was having more issues (six months ago), I developed a knot or large bump on the bottom of my foot and my legs were hurting regardless of what I did to alleviate. So I went to an acupuncturist who said the the knot was sitting in the kidney area and the session relieved some pains in my legs and the bump reduced half the size.
My inner dreamer responded well, as it should because I also dream for my clients, students and apprentices health issues. I have no judgment about the party people, I only make a deeper commitment to be more aware of hot tubs and hot springs now and keep doing what I have learned to do so long ago, love and respect myself with healthy boundaries regardless of what others think or how they respond in negative ways to that… in fact the whole world responds in negative ways, but has much compassion for physical sickness only. I have great compassion for all three, emotional, mental and physical issues.
Water is Life!
Illustration © by Irina Serban